Okay kids, gather around and let me tell you about the ’80s. There was gated snare drums, great fantasy movies with puppets in them, and the ever-present threat of a nuclear apocalypse. But we also made sure we had time for the odd Satanic panic. So much so that the video below, “Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults”, is an actual, honest-to-Lucifer genuine training video for police!
Featuring “occult experts” with mullets that would put Billy Ray Cyrus to shame, interviews with alleged victims of satanic rituals, and dusty old men who dare to ponder how far America’s freedom of religion should extend, the 73-minute VHS tape is a glimpse into the Satanic Panic era that’s as frightening as it is hilarious.
You can watch the whole video below, and if you watch it to the end, you’ll be treated with a cringe-inducing clip of a woman in a bikini being preened over by a weird old dude demonstrating a ritual sacrifice, complete with dotted lines showing where to slice and dice your victims.