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The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses

The funniest thing I’ve read all year. Not for the easily offended (colourful language and plenty of blasphemy to boot). Funniest. Thing I’ve Read. All year.

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  1. Whoa!
    [quote]This verse is particularly explicit, though, informing us that Egyptians are hung like farmyard animals, and can ejaculate in quantities to rival the annual flooding of the Nile. [/quote]

    8-(

    One wonders why theology studies is in decline.

    —–
    It’s not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me…
    It’s all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!

    Red Pill Junkie

  2. Bad ass bible
    With such a fullblooded psychopath of a God, i’m surprised he has any followers at all. To me it is obvious that the bible is not written by God but by many different (and obviously very influently at the time) men. People who where not very spiritual but rather brutish. Sometimes I think all religions should be abolished, but I fear that wouldn’t stop the insane killings, wars and such. They would probably find other reasons than a god to kill each other for.

    1. You have to pick…
      the wheat from the chaff in those books.

      For example, most of the old testaent leaves you with the idea that Jehova is one sick despotic motherf*cker. But that’s the view of God people had back in those days, something terrible and quick to anger.

      But there are unvaluable things in the New Testament. I mean, Jesus is DA MAN Y’ALL! 😉

      And yes, those books were written by men. Even if one accepts the idea of revelation, those men could have misunderstood the meaning of the message they received based on the limits of their intellect. So for me it is a slow progression toward a more perfected idea, but I don’t think we’ll never, ever reach the finish line (of understanding it all).

      That’s not the point

      —–
      It’s not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me…
      It’s all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!

      Red Pill Junkie

      1. I don’t really think that……
        …..JC had anything to do with those clown Aliens that had a lot of fun with the ignorant barbarians of that time. But it does make for an interesting read.

        “Life can be whatever you want it to be, as long as you do what your told.”
        LRF.

    1. Scripture
      Scripture, to me, is like a gun. What is done depends, not on the weapon, but the holder. Have a peaceful belief and it can be uplifting. Use it for darker, more violent purposes and it is terrible.

      I’m fanatical about moderation

      Anthony North

      1. And
        you should never, EVER, give them to children without propper instruction 😉

        Maybe it would be even better to wait until the child is old enough to understand the complex topics that are dealt in the Scriptures.

        Maybe we end up messing them more, since due to their innocence they are already more in contact with that which we call “divine”. Didn’t He say that to enter the Kingdom you have to be like “litle children”?

        —–
        It’s not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me…
        It’s all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!

        Red Pill Junkie

        1. Children
          Hi Red,
          You’re right – in an ideal world.
          Some cultures are still so steeped in their religions that a balanced view is impossible. Although I’d say that, despite what culture you’re from, the vast majority of families are similar – simply trying to get on with life, and coming to sensible conclusions in the end. We can often lose sight of this by the antics of a few fanatics.
          From my own experience, my wife is a practicing Christian, I’m not. All our 7 children received balance, seeing Scripture from both sides.

          Reality, like time, is relative to the observer

          Anthony North

          1. Interesting
            And do your children follow the religion of their mother, or have they chosen a completely different path altogether?

            I remember when my sis tried to read some passages of the Bible to her son. He’s a very intelligent little kid, and my sis screwed up big time, first for the poor choice of the passages themselves: she began with Genesis, and the first thing the kid object was the preposterous idea that the world was created in mere six days, and that God created the Earth first and THEN the sun. I was of course very proud, although a little concerned that I had something to do with the responses of this little Richard Dawkins’ wannabe! “Where were all the dinosaurs?” was among his first questions (guilty as charged BTW).

            Then my sis went to the part of Abraham ready to kill his son in sacrifice to Jehova (as I wrote, a brilliant choice on her part!). The child not-surprisingly was very upset and asked the obvious, “Why would God want Abraham to kill his son Isaac??”, followed by “If God would ask you to kill ME, would you obey His command?”.

            After a few of these, my sis thought it would be best to stop with the religious instruction altogether. After she mentioned this to me I was very angry of her ignorance. I suggested that NEXT time, it would be better to pick more suitable parts for an 8-year-old, like parables of the New Testament.

            “Avoid the part of the stoning of the prostitute!” I yelled 🙂

            —–
            It’s not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me…
            It’s all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!

            Red Pill Junkie

          2. Cheeses
            My little girl came home from school saying she had learnt the story of “Cheeses”. I told her to tell them at school that she is allergic to cheeses (she does have a milk allergy) and should be kept away from it.
            😉

            Kind regards,
            Greg
            ——————————————-
            You monkeys only think you’re running things

          3. LOL
            She might end up thinking those things they give at mass are CRACKERS 😉

            1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…10

            Ok, 10 seconds and I still haven’t been hit by a lighting. So, either He found it funny too, or He’s watching a soap opera.

            (pheeew!)

            —–
            It’s not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me…
            It’s all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!

            Red Pill Junkie

          4. Scripture
            Good morning everyone,
            Kid’s responses can be funny in all sorts of ways. I remember telling the ‘facts of life’ to one of my sons when he was about ten. He loved the bit about all those sperm racing towards the egg. He spent the next few days, at home and school, running about waving his hands in the air, shouting ‘I won the race, I won the race!’
            As for where religion is in their lives as adults, two of them ended up as near to atheists as you can get. Another nearly became a vicar and has sung in cathedral choirs. He also has a theology degree.
            The others are in-between, I suppose. Oner is still too young to be sure, but they have a belief in God, but it doesn’t obstruct their rationality. I suppose it’s compartmentalised, but there certainly isn’t any confusion in their thought processes.
            The things you point out from Genesis are interesting, Red. I once did an exercise where I deconstructed Genesis in terms of a scientific mind from a man hypothetically stood on Earth observing Creation around him. I’ll be posting about it eventually on Beyond the Blog, but a few quick snippets:
            Initially the atmosphere of Earth would have been thick, so any light would be fused. Only later would it clear to the point that the sun and stars could be seen. Hence, there would have appeared to be light and Earth before the sun and stars actually appeared.
            To the scientific mind the process of evolution is pretty accurate in Genesis – in a poetic kind of way. The only thing missing was the serpent – i.e. reptiles (dinosaurs?). Does Genesis show a suspicion about this not fitting in to what our metaphorical scientist saw about him? Is that why he made the serpent evil, and an anomaly to the Garden of Eden?
            Abraham sacrificing Isaac. If you follow religious development from animism, there is an obvious phase where sacrifice is abandoned. This story is a perfect example of this phase. It is a story of religious transition.
            Now, you might try to throw back at me ‘ridiculous’ bits of Genesis such as Eve being created from Adam’s rib. Well, what a perfect allegorical explanation of the change from asexual to sexual reproduction, embodying the creation of male and female from a cutting.

            Reality, like time, is relative to the observer

            Anthony North

          5. gambling god…..
            hey Anthony……..love Job myself. God! What a bet between God and Satin. Pity old Job at the recieving end!

            “Life can be whatever you want it to be, as long as you do what your told.”
            LRF.

          6. Wow!
            Now that you put it THAT way, the Genesis acquires a whole new meaning (as it should, since I have arrived to the conclusion that the Bible is like a very complex palindrome, with meanings hidden into more meanings like an endless onion). Science has always tried to explain things from an outside observer’s point of view, God’s point of view if you will. But maybe you are right in the sense that Genesis should be interpreted as the impressions of an INSIDE observer, because… Hey! that’s what we are in the end right?

            Now I’m curious whether your sons who are closer to atheism get along well with the one with a theology degree? Do they have heated discussions at Xmas dinners or something?

            (I do hope you don’t mind me asking these kind of questions, I would copletely understand if you would like to stop delving into such private matters…)

            Looking forward to the Genesis essay!

            —-
            It’s not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me…
            It’s all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!

            Red Pill Junkie

          7. Genesis
            Hi Red,
            The Bible fascinates me, I must admit. I’ve not come across an ‘untruth’. Yes. it’s poetic, and speaks in terms of beliefs in God, but the accuracies never fail to amaze me.
            If you take Joshua and the walls of Jericho, there’s a puzzling statement in the Bible that they crossed the Jordan on ‘dry land’. How do you cross a river in such a way?
            Recent earthquakes have shown that an early effect is the daming of the Jordan. Yes, the Bible may be wrong in saying that God made the walls fall, but also gives evidence of the earthquake – something we still dismiss as an ‘act of God’.
            As for my kiddies, of course they have all the disagreements, etc, of any large family, but I think I can say with confidence that religious belief, or not, has never been a factor.
            As for Christmas dinner, they can all agree, afterwards, with the words: ‘Oh my God, I’m stuffed.’
            But they still find room for the beer that then flows.

            I’m fanatical about moderation

            Anthony North

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