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News Briefs 08-04-2005

Bill continues on black-ops for the next few weeks. Kat will step into his chair from next Friday, but I’ll cover for today. Please remember, if you’re working hard today, it’s POETS day and you should observe the usual customs…

  • Scientific paper muses that 270-year-old sea monster sighting might have been a sex hungry whale. That qualifies as a sea monster to me…have you seen the size of their penises?!.
  • It’s a renaissance for the Tarot, with more and more people consulting the cards for guidance.
  • NASA seeks guidebook for recognising extraterrestrial life. “Poke it wit’ da stick Jethro, aif it moves it mus’ be an extratrestral.”
  • Astronomers expect to be ‘dazled’ by views of an ancient Universe.
  • Simulator success for shuttle Discovery crew, despite the simulator landing them 1000 feet underground.
  • Forget searching for radio waves from ET. Just look for giant structures in space.
  • Sure, being a soldier in the U.S. might mean getting shot at and bombed – but where else could you get your own flying saucer?
  • Hubble de-orbit endorsed.
  • Sony patents a method of beaming an artificial world of experience into your brain by ultrasound. I think a good name for it would be Blue Pill.
  • Prairie dogs found to talk using the most sophisticated language in the animal kingdom. Kinda makes them look more sinister when they pop up out their hole and look at you with their beady eyes, doesn’t it?
  • Metallic glass – it’s bound to be the new black.
  • SmellyVision‘ the television of the future. TV shows stink enough already, thanks very much.
  • Cannabis compound slows artery disease in mice.
  • The latest spy planes are small. As in about 13 inch wingspan. I didn’t realise Bill was so small.
  • Solar plane planned for round-the-world flight. Gives new meaning to ‘following the sun’.
  • Hunter S. Thompson’s ashes to be fired from a cannon.
  • Satanic orgies desecrate Brisbane graveyard. Who says we have no nightlife here?
  • If some guy from Chad called Toumai turned up at your door saying he’s a distant relation, he might be right. 6 or 7 million years distant actually.
  • New finds suggest early hominids cared for their elderly.
  • Underwater concrete manufactured from 2000-year-old recipe.
  • Iron Civil War-era casket found in Washington, D.C..
  • Being a Viking wasn’t just about raping, pillaging and marauding you know. Sometimes they took time out to be sensitive.
  • New book explores the feminine roots of shamanism.
  • In ancient days of feasting, producing enough alcohol was always a difficult proposition. Unless you had a buddy called Jesus that is.

Quote of the Day:

This guy is a total drunk. It’s an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot.

Blair Blake

  1. Oh no, now it’s Greg too!
    Just read Greg’s comment on the first story! As if Kat’s fabricated hit-links weren’t enough, now Greg too wants to kill me!


    1. Oh my God, they’ve killed Arch!
      That was one of your best deaths yet.
      And Kat’s links were not fabricated, they were real.
      About whale penises….do you live near the sea by any chance?
      Because I’d move if I were you…don’t want Hairball to fall victim to a whale that fancies small furry creatures.


  2. Sony’s patent
    There is an enormous difference between a patent application, and being granted a patent. After reading the link and subsequent links, it very much seems to me like it is the former that Sony has done, not the latter. I also believe you need to have a working prototype for the grant, which they do not yet have.

    But there is a larger, more important issue this relates to. This kind of misleading reporting often leads to (as a hypothetical example) “sony has a mind control machine!” which then prompts some self styled internet investigator researching who the board of directors of Sony are, finding a CIA link, and then comming up with a fantasy conspiracy theory of how Sony made implants, installed by the CIA into terrorists, are the real cause of suicide bombers.

    Then, more rational guys, like us DG readers, are labled “gullible” pions who believe everything the government tells you” when we question the logic of the conspiracy theory. I’m getting kind of tired of that. In fact, I hardly believe anything any government tells me…..

  3. April tools day
    “…it’s very possible that the guy I met wasn’t even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe.”

    Whew! And we were all so worried…

    …about the possible adverse effects on Jesus.

  4. Wee Billy
    The reason Bill can fit into those tiny spy planes is all the experiments they have been doing on him all these years.
    Poor little darling.

    I love the story about the prairie dogs talking.All animals communicate with each other.I just wonder why scientist always seem to need to prove this with experiments.
    Anyone familiar with animals already knows it.


  5. links open new windows?
    Is there a reason why the links to external items don’t open in a new window? Or a re-used Daily Grail reading window? That would be nice, if it was implemented correctly for optimum user convenience.

    1. Explanation

      Links don’t open in new windows because I detest websites that do this. I leave it to the individual to decide whether they want a new browser window or not.

      The best way to browse by far is to use Mozilla/Firefox, and just middle click on your mouse to open the link in a new tab (rather than ugly new windows).

      Peace and Respect
      You monkeys only think you’re running things

        1. one out of two?
          Hi Tronicus,

          I don’t know about pictures, but creating bold text is easy enough.

          Immediately in front of the word or phrase you want to be bold, type a left-pointing arrow, i.e. < , then type the letter b , then type a right-pointing arrow, i.e. > , with no spaces between those three. Then to end the bold text, immediately at the end of the word or phrase you’re making bold, you type exactly the same thing you typed in front of it, except that just behind the left-pointing arrow, you also type a forward slash, i.e. / , and then continue with the letter b and the right-pointing arrow, with no spaces.

          To italicize a word or phrase, you do exactly the same as above, except you insert the letter i instead of the letter b.


          1. Thank-you KatAnd now if any
            Thank-you Kat
            And now if anyone could tell me how to submit a picture, I have one pertaining to the whale article…

            Nevermind – I found the link. Someone originally sent this to me as a group of photos depicting people in lousy employment situations:


          2. You are terrifying me Tron!
            You have a picture pertaining to the whale article?
            That can only bode no good for the ‘Dake.
            I think I may take a small sedative in case you post the picture in the next short while.
            No offence now……


          3. Tell me it isn’t so, tell me it isn’t so!
            Did you see that picture? He finally did it!

            Oh my god, he posted it!

            Why me, why me, oh God? Pfrttt….. Niarrr…..

          4. MY GOD! They’ve killed the Dake!
            There is something very naughty in you, Tron.


            Gasp shudder, I will never get over it myself.

          5. “Oh, my god, they killed ‘dake”
            I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the “South Park” cartoon series – if you have the line’s awfully familiar!

    1. amazing
      Nice to see you alive again Arch, if only for a little while.

      Yes I’ve seen this and I think it is sensational.I wish someone with some knowlege of astronomy would tell us what they think.

      The first pic on no 1 is from an old painting of Jupitor’s moon Io, by famous artist Chesley Bonestal.
      He was a friend of Clarke’s and did some fantastic space stuff.


      1. Part 6 coming on…
        Yep, I’m enjoying those little periods between near-fatal breakdowns (sigh…).

        Btw, there’s a Part 6 coming on. Looking forward to that…

        1. On a side-note
          I really hate it when people bash an article in its entirety by sticking on some claims by the writer that could be wrong/out of this world/etc. The aforementioned article poses so many valid questions it’s a shame if it gets unnoticed.
          Even if it proves to be fundamentally wrong, at least Hoagland shows some originality – a virtue no longer residing in academic circles, I assure you (I’ve got inside intel, he he).

          1. Yeah you’re right
            yeah look at David Icke.What a looney.

            I think Hoagland has not done himself much good with some of his stuff which is a shame, and unfortunately you stuff up once and you are buggered for life in the literary and science world.They never let you forget.

            The actual post by Hoagland is stunning.Just the shape of that moon is worth a good explanation which I would like to hear.

            Arch, you better get your strength up, the 13th is gunna be a doozy.
            I can feel it in me old hairy bones.


          2. Iapetus

            Well Arch i read the 5 parts thusfar and i can say, i havent been conviced more than i was after the first part. 1- It clearly has an artificial orbit (and btw shadows i consider hoagland an astronomer- though clearly not of the rather keep my job kind). 2- Its mass ratio of 1.1 means either its 90% water or its largely hollow.

            So could it be an space ark, designed to be stealthy and posing as a satellite- or in interstellar space travel going about posing as a piece of stellar junk (comet). The equatorial ridge suggest two halves that could open , which got me the idea that in actual fact it is a mining vessel. The universe/our solar system has plenty mineral / resource rich material waiting to be snapped up as it where. Enclose it and work it at your leisure.. Farfetched ? I dont think so.

            ” do unto others as you would have them do unto you “

          3. Hoagland Theory
            Hoagland certainly has a remarkable theory about Iapetus. He is absolutely right: Iapetus is the death star as prophesied by George Lucas and the ridge that runs along its equator is without doubt an alien mining venture, most probably run by reptilian marauders employing greys as slave labor. My estimate is that there are currently between 1.5 million and 1.8 million greys mining Iapetus for its rich deposits of underground guano.

            I picked up a rock the other day. It had a strange quartz like ridge running down its centre and speckles of feldspar on its semi-rough surface. As it was like no other rock I had ever encountered, I immediately realised it had to be the petrified gall bladder of an ancient alien. I estimate (given the size of his gall bladder) that the alien must have been around nine foot tall and most likely wore a marmoset on his head.

          4. Lucky you!
            I’ve heard about these rocks and have spent a life time searching for them.
            Wanna tell me where you found it?


          5. The mysterious rock
            I found the rock about three miles from a deserted local rock quarry near the cemetary. At first I thought the rock must have been haunted because, after I picked it up, it quickly leapt out of my hands and just sort of ‘hovered’ there in front of me with an eerie luminous glow. When I prayed over it for it to become an illusion, it quickly stopped glowing and fell to the ground as if it were just a plain rock.

            Death stars masquerading as Saturnal moons often act similarly.

          6. stumbling rocks

            Dear oh dear, i allways forget how unimaginative people can be. Go out on a limb ? Never ! Better hold on to that piece of rock ankh , you might have to crush them wrong thoughts one day.

            I do notice though you fail to adress the arguments, orbit and weightratio.

            ” do unto others as you would have them do unto you “

          7. Sigh … ok, if I must
            Toxi: “I do notice though you fail to adress the arguments, orbit and weightratio.”

            I made a point of failing to address both these designated notions on the basis that they were still arguing. By the way, I noticed that you failed to address the argument about which of us is going to wash the dishes tonight.

          8. How the hell..
            am I going to get there.

            I’ll swap you a piece of schist or gneiss from Antarctica for one fossilised alien gall bladder.
            A Grey?


          9. It would sure be interesting
            It would sure be interesting to send a probe, and even a lander to see what’s up. At least we could punch it with an impactor and see if angry aliens come out.


          10. Now Tron….
            Would you like someone to punch earth with an impactor and see if all us little earthlings run out?
            I guess if punched in the right place it could be fun.


          11. yeah, maybe we better not.

            yeah, maybe we better not.
            But you know, they are going to punch that comet on July 4th. Some article said it might lead to a complete change in our understanding of the sun and the universe. But at least no aliens should be disturbed.


          12. better camouflage this one
            or, we could just throw a rock at it instead of the copper bathtub that’s going to the comet

          13. What place?
            What place would be fun?
            Earth does get punched now and then, and by the sounds of it, it isn’t very fun. We don’t even get to come out and warn ’em to knock it off.

            Speaking of punches, I wonder if Arch survived the hitlink?


  6. I’ll admit…
    I’m a bit slow on the uptake lately, too many things on my mind.

    But what are the usual customs we should observe for POETS’ Day???

    Any answers?


    1. usual customs
      The way I understand it, observing the usual customs means either dispensing the usual bullsh*t, or dispensing with the usual bullsh*t. Does that clarify it for you? Good!

      tra la la la la


        1. Hey P.O.E.T.S. day is or rath
          Hey P.O.E.T.S. day is or rather was an aussie institution. These days a lot of people are still working over the weekend. Then the younger ones have probably never heard of it. Pity realy because when I used to have a nine to fiver I always looked forward to it

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