A password will be emailed to you.

During one particular period of the cosmic downloads I’m prone to I was told to watch out for an increase in reports of old grannies telling their doctors their dogs or cats or budgies’d started talking to them. There’d also supposedly be world wide reports of people being spoken to by wild animals like birds in forests.

What I wasn’t told was grass’d start stalking. To me.

Since we moved in two years ago me brother’s been try’n’o recover the back lawn from the moss which seems to be taking over and even though I like moss but grass and lawns do nothing for me I ended up stepping up.

The bottom line was though I ended up becoming so enamoured of grass a few weeks back I decided to invent the indoor lawn. It was only a two foot by three foot plastic garden thing but three days after I’d sprinkled the seeds across the wet soil I watched my green children first start glowing green then spurting green fire as they came to life on the table in the first floor room overlooking the busy noisy traffic polluted main road. They really made the room feel alive in a way potted plants don’t and I found myself imagining possible therapies for the housebound where they could rub their face and feet in rubbery feeling living grass and breathe in earthy fumes all while trapped in their own livingrooms or beds.

When the time came to give them their first trim I decided to approach the task as if I was cutting their hair but just as I was about to start I suddenly recalled the window cleaner laughing his head off and realised he’d found my whole indoor lawn idea hilarious hence I now started imagining the witty comeback I’d give the next time I saw him until I suddenly realised somewhere just below me this soft tiny male voice sounding somewhere in its mid twenties from a part of Northern England I couldn’t quite identify was gently chiding me “Hey…be careful with us” and to my astonishment I realised the grass was telling me off for cutting too close to their roots and even inadvertently yanking a load of them out by their roots.

Sadly a weird white cottony fungus subsequently started growing on the rest of them and they died although various dark sinister presences wandering round the place might’ve played a part in their demise.

I mention all this because I was reading some of the pretty powerful stuff to be found in Sergio MagaƱa’s Tonal and Nahual: Understanding Our Role in 2012 over at Reality Sandwich but he seems to be emphasising ‘2012’ as a long term phenomenon which actually started at the end of 2011 whereas my own experience and that of a lot of people around me who haven’t a clue about ‘2012’ suggests 2012’s hurtling towards some sort of global disruption of our collective continuity at the end of the year.

I’m not hearing the type of ringing where the world seems to’ve turned into a giant warbling glass bell which usually makes me go uh-oh but I’m unable to shake off two new kinds of warbling coming at me from me from my left and right ears which suggests some sort of game’s afoot.

And then there’s the big increase in all these little time slips which me and others’re experiencing occurring at the sort of rocket paced rate I used to experience them as a kid or whenever things’re about to go A-bomb critical for me like for instance the one this morning where my son’d stayed overnight to go out on the piss and rushing to get to work he’d asked me to pass him up his bag with his fresh stuff but as I stepped onto the stairs I saw me brother unusually pulling opening the two doors facing onto the back lawn as he starting to enter the kitchen but a moment later when I went to help him unpack the shopping the doors were still closed and the car wasn’t there.

And just before when I finally told him all this he was genuinely startled because prior to going out the lock on the main back door we use’d played up forcing him to open both doors by way of using the secondary door’s lock to ‘trick’ the main door into locking.