Heavy Things
Posted by bladerunner at 06:17, 15 Feb 2009This isn't going to work. The stimulus package. The train has already crashed. Buying everyone another boarding pass is not going to help. And that's how I feel. So what does that mean to me, and my husband? There may be rioting this summer, on a scale never seen before. Once it starts, it may not quit till the Republic of The United States of America no longer looks anything like it did on February 14th of 2009. My life will be changed in a way I will not like, in a way I may not foresee. So I don't know if I'm really for Grapes of Wrath II.
I'm comfortable, I'm eating Godiva Chocolate. It was a Valentines gift from my husband. The house is warm, and the bills are paid. We both are employed. But we both feel the touch of death, as it is whispered about, in the collective, on the street. We hear it, my husband and I talk about it at night. We feel safe together, lucky to love each other so much. I don't think we'll really fear it too much. I just hope we keep it somewhat civil. I know I won't be the first to raise my hand against another. That's what I'm thinking about lately. Heavy things.
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12 April 2007
18 min 8 sec
At least you have someone who gives you chocolates on St. Valentine's.
Some of us are not so lucky! ;-)
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It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
1 May 2004
42 weeks 3 days
I just was thinking about the mess, the bankers and supposed leaders have gotten us into. I left Starbucks a year ago, and cashed out what paper assets I could, because I saw this coming. Work at a year round farmer's market now. Have a garden, canning equipment, and a some silver on the side. I just didn't think they'd loot the treasury last September, and continue too. They could have bought all the banks for that kind of money. But that wasn't the point. Just having a deep thought moment about the forces that shape the world...
Wish you'd had a Valentine, Red Pill! If you don't by next year, I'll send you some chocolate, or maybe you'd like some tequila instead;-)
12 April 2007
18 min 8 sec
Thank you my friend. You don't know how much I appreciate that ;-)
Yes, the world is quickly taking a turn for the worse. But this has never been a perfect world, hasn't it? If you think about it, that —being perfect— has never being the purpose of this world to begin with...
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It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
31 October 2008
2 years 48 weeks
Thanks for your sharing your heavy thoughts, Bladerunner. I worry that we are not stimulating anything except the executives at the banks who are jumping for joy because they don't have to reap the consequences of their actions while mom and pop restaurants are closing down left and right. There have been 30 restaurants in my city of San Diego that have closed (3 in my immediate neighborhood) since January 1. Yipes! Who bails them out?
I just want to say that I, too, am thankful to have my husband to give me chocolates on Valentine's Day and I wonder what it will be like next February. I am consciously trying to choose love and hope over fear. It's been my experience that the more time you spend in fear, the more you attract fearful things to you. So, I try to focus on what brings me love and hope.
If you want to see an interesting movie related to banks--see The International with Clive Owen. It just came out here Feb. 13. It's not exactly hopeful but I think it presents another perspective on the role of banks in the world. It makes it actually a bit scarier that we are bailing banks out but I think it's good to be aware and not stick our heads in the sand. Just food for thought. Has anyone seen this movie? Comments?
22 November 2004
2 weeks 10 hours
I mean that literally - we don't know. Nobody has read the law. Not any of us commenting on it, not any of the house members or senators voting for it or against it. Most likely, President Obama has not read it.
My guess is that of the people who wrote the various parts, nobody has read the whole thing - there wasn't time.
So quite likely, there is not a single person on earth who knows what all is in this law. That will change in the next week or so when this thing is published.
PS:
I suggest that those of you who are US citizens ask your congress-person and/or senator provide you with access to the wording of this law. Since it was passed so quickly, it seems important. Consequently you might also be in a hurry to act according to the new law in a timely fashion. But you can't do that if you don't know what the law is.
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It is not how fast you go
it is when you get there.
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
And I don't mean in weight, but a burden is bearing down on my mind. Some day I will cheer up properly, feel there is hope in the world again.
Meanwhile, my husband and I went out for a meal on Valentines Day, and we also saw the film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
I thoroughly enjoyed both the meal and the film. It seems many other older couples were doing the same thing.
The film is a brilliantly produced piece of visual art. The story has it strange aspect, and the chance of it ever happening is remote, however, the way people responded was worth seeing; the camera work, the make up, the direction, the casting, everything in fact was of an extremely high standard. I have read some reviews which tried to say it was too long and slow. All I can say is that I did not find it so. Considering they were trying to cover a person's lifetime in three hours I think they got the pace just right. Perhaps the reviewer isn't the sort of person who like emotional, philosophical storylines. preferring all out action instead? Are our reviewers being dumbed down too?
Well, I enjoyed my February 14th and was a lot happier at the end of it.
The following day was my daughter's birthday, but she still hasn't come to see us to get her cards and presents. Texted us, yes, but visited, no!
Well, she is now of an age where she can do what she wants, go where she wants, and forget us if she wants!
Roll on my retirement day! February 25th! Release from the drudgery of having to work for someone else! That will lighten my mind enormously.
Carol A Noble
10 August 2004
3 hours 41 min
Once you retire, Carol, you'll find you are so busy you'll wonder how you ever found time to go to work. I wish you a very happy retirement with enough time to "sit and stare".
Love, Kathrinn
12 April 2007
18 min 8 sec
Well, she is now of an age where she can do what she wants, go where she wants, and forget us if she wants!
Children are not allowed to forget their parents, not even if they live to be 100.
At least, that's what my mom keeps telling me ;-)
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It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
1 May 2004
42 weeks 3 days
Unless their on the evil end of the spectrum. My Mom's Birthday is on the 19th. And she is not very likable. To say the least. But I still send her a card, and call her up. She lives 2000 miles away, which is a good thing.
12 April 2007
18 min 8 sec
You're supposed to love them as they are.
I learned that the hard way with my old man. Believe you me.
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It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
I agree that you are supposed to love mothers, fathers, family members, friends, or even just another human being, for being as they are, not what you want them to be.
I love my daughter no matter what she does, and always will. But that doesn't mean to say she has to be around me all the time. Although, on this special occasion it would have been nice, as it is the only birthday I am bothered about.
As it happens, she came to see me last night, and whilst we were able to give her her presents (a bit late) she gave me mine (a bit early!). Still, we caught up with our news, and I think she will always have a soft spot for us, even if she is filling her life up with other things.
I know it can be difficult to love some people. Several times my father and I had spells where we never spoke to each other for a number of years. One of us would break the ice though, and in the end I believe we had a better relationship.
He did suffer from severe heart disease, and this made him ponder a great deal, it also took his life - at 65. At least he died peacefully in his sleep.
As I get older I am beginning to realise how "unimportant" certain things appear to be, although at the time they seemed the most important things ever!!! Strange how the mind adapts.
Carol A Noble
1 May 2004
42 weeks 3 days
She spreads untrue stories about me to other family members. Told me I had ruined her life, because I was born (honeymoon baby). And was busy for 6 months, so she couldn't go shopping for a wedding dress with me or help with wedding planning. I'm her only daughter. Her behavior has more become passive aggressive since we moved out west. She asked last fall what we wanted for Xmas, after telling her a solid colour for my husband, please no plaids, which she has sent before, she sent him a plaid shirt. She loves Xmas and has been sending me big boxes of Xmas decorations, much more then I can use( I give a lot of it away). I asked her not to send anymore Xmas stuff, Please Mom I have enough its fine. My Xmas present, was a Xmas decoration...I'm still mad. And my father defends everything she says and does. So she gets away with it. She has him still working at the age of 76, she is 9 years younger and hasn't worked for 10 year she spend the money on dolls, and clothing. I love my Dad, but he's not the brightest bulb, and he loves her. My Mom is unlikable and unlovable. She has done nothing but make things worse between us. And yes I tried consuling with her and my Dad years ago. After one appt. The Consular didn't think it was a good idea to bring them back. And she's a hypochondriac too! She averages 1 Doctor appt every 8 days. This also has been going on since I was a child. She will not go to a therapist. Because she's not crazy. But I think she is...So that just a surface glance on why I don't like my Mom.
12 April 2007
18 min 8 sec
(...)so she couldn't go shopping for a wedding dress with me or help with wedding planning
Did she at least attend the wedding?
Look, I know there are people out there who are definitely not going to receive a 'parent of the year' award anytime soon. But I came to understand that you should never recriminate your parents for not being the way you would like them to be. Nobody gets to pick their parents anyway; so one should give thanks for the good things (be as few or plenty as they may be) and try to overlook and forgive the bad ones—problem is, most of us have a 'negative filter' always on, so we tend to give more attention to the bad things...
But every relation is different. One just have to find the right balance; my father has never—and I mean NEVER—been a warm and affectionate man who can easily and openly express his emotions; and I understand him because, guess what? I'm his son and I'm like him... but after many problems (I once lasted a whole year without speaking to him, which doesn't sound much until you learn we were living in the same house) we managed to find the right balance in our father-son relationship. Of course this took me 20 years to resolve, and the future doesn't look too promising because he has diabetes and it's beginning to show signs that his illness is affecting his mind.
So maybe being polite is the only relationship you could have with your mother, but at least you should make that extra effort to try it; because know this: if one doesn't manage to make peace with your parents when they are still around, once they die it is too late... and the thing gets worse because they won't simply vanish into the vacuum, they will manage to live in your subconscious. Forever.
So don't do it because you love her. First do it because you love yourself.
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It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
1 May 2004
42 weeks 3 days
My mother is not a nice person. The last time she went to help out with a new grand-child she was suppose to stay several weeks, and was sent home after a week. No one will discuss what she did, or said, but I'm sure it was not a lovable misunderstood grandma thing. The things I told you about my Mom are the few things I can talk about. I will not discuss this anymore. I will make my phone call to her on her birthday tomorrow, and hope it goes well. I'm glad your relationships improved as you have gotten older. But something is not Ok with my mom. If something happens to her I'll be able to finally have a better relationship with my Dad, and some great fishing together.
12 April 2007
18 min 8 sec
Parenting: there should really be college courses on it or something.
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It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
28 June 2006
2 days 6 hours
Bladerunner,
My father's son married my mother to save the family name that I almost destroyed. And, I was never forgiven for ruining everybodies lives. They are all dead now, and I'm not sorry; because, they did everything that they could to destroy my life.
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think!!!}
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
Thanks Kathrinn for those kind words. I intend to enjoy life, and you may be right in that my time will become filled with other things. I have heard this before.
At the moment I foresee a need to move - always a traumatic busy time - then I will concentrate on doing things the old fashioned way, learn why people did things that way and see if they were better or not. Up to now some of the things have proved worthwhile, even if they do require a bit more effort.
Then we will see what the world and the future brings. You never know. I have never been able to plan too far ahead for when I did so something big would enter my life to change my plans completely. But that is life. It isn't static.
I will enjoy my retirement no matter what happens.
Thanks again, Kathrinn for those kind words.
Carol A Noble
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
I am sorry that you don't have a great relationship with your mother. I was lucky. My mother and I got on well. It was my father I had problems with. Even so, eventually, I did find some good in him, and he in me, and we worked together on that.
I also wonder if your mother has a "mental" problem of some sort. Some of the things she has done to you and your family remind me of someone who has a problem with the memory. I hope I am wrong.
As a person who has held a lot of negativity in my life, including from my parents, I know how hard it is to find positives. It is only now that my children have grown up and my parents are dead, that I think I am starting to find some peace in life. I have also realised that a lot of things don't matter, even though society, as well as ourselves, suggest they do. This is probably due to my old age creeping up on me. My husband and I plan to give up most of our possessions and concentrate on what we need when we move, and only take that with us. We will concentrate on achieving good experiences, rather than material/social advancement.
The old adage, life is what you make it, is very true.
As for being a parent, i don't think I was the best parent in the world, and now realise that parenthood didn't really suit me. Some people seem to be natural as parents. My son I think is reasonably happy, although with his mental disability he will never be a fully fledged worker with ambition. A lot of his success is due to finding a partner to care for him and they live as a regular couple in their own rented place. My daughter always felt left out of things compared with her peers, especially due to us never having a car. Because she was one of two children she often felt left out, and wished she had more attention. I gave her what I honestly could and tried to be evenhanded but it didn't always happen no matter how hard I tried.
Their father has been a really good parent, and I believe it is his influence which has helped keep us on a reasonably even keel as a family.
At least they both are in contact with us!
My daughter has admitted we did our best as parents, even though she would have liked things to have been even better. We are one of only a couple of families in her peer group who still have both parents living together. Perhaps that has also made a difference.
Bladerunner. I do hope things improve for you soon. Try to find the good things in life, even if all you see around you is negative. That may sound rich from someone who has often showed a lot of negativity on this site but in my heart of hearts of know this adage is true - I just need to demonstrate this a lot more.
Good luck to you in the future. It may be up to you to live your own life, and let your mother live hers. At least you are still in contact.
By the way, which of the two are you most like in temperament? Last night my husband said I am a bit like both of my parents, certainly in looks, however, I am probably more like my dad in temperament, but like my mam in intelligence. A strange combination I can assure you!
Carol A Noble