As my body grows weaker for what ever has attacked my lungs is spreading, no one knows what it its but it is part of why I am losing my eye sight and has spread to other organs in my body. In those moments that past for sleep I find myself passing froward and backward into time. I have stood in the camps and battle lines of the Roman legions tasted the bronze flavored sweat that runs down your face and coats your body before a battle, or sat in a control chair that integrates your brain and nervous system to the ship as it travels at the edge of universes to cheat the speed of light. I have wandered through my own past both the good and bad moments occur in third person with nothing to do but watch them unfold. I have gone beyond fear and despair the a place beyond words, like that moment in a traffic accident where time shows it's self as that part of our common world but generally unseen and unfelt.

I found out today that I am going blind do to the the medications I have been taking for my heart and my life exposed to my work in the mountains and deserts along with being exposed to high energy lasers without protection. So now I have some working baseline for my observations. Many things that have happened in dream states have pointed to a major problem but it's easy to discount this things to other mental aberrations or activities so does the body in it's subconscious awareness. So here's the experiment can what I understand what this underlying aspects of the mind be teased apart and decoded. A what can I say about this process, how will I adapt to these changing conditions. Well time to ponder and form a way to present what is going on and what can I say thats useful.

I do miss my mountains and that strange beauty of the deserts I had spent so much of my life. being told that nothing more can be done for me,and as I lose the use of my legs I have been filled with memories of what I saw during the tornado. I fear to place in words, so filled with despair I felt my life was over and wanted to take what only action I could. But it seems like all things in life you can be effected by the random and so here I am. Still searching for a path and the means to express it. So could my old cameras be that way, at the extreme range of of ability to walk is a small ranch, and maybe my love of horses the that natural world I may find some meaning and a way to soften the scenes that still leave a hole in my heart, if I could fade the memory of a family torn apart in the tornado, the saving of a few lives a to hold the hand of a woman who's husband we could not save, and all my words of comfort seemed so hollow. there must be more to this every day life so balanced on the knifes edge. There must be more and have only touched its out edge.

It has been a long time since I have written here; But I have had good reasons for the long absence. The last half of last year was full personal tragedy ( the loss of a good friend, the tornado and it's aftermath which left me in the hospital, and many things to long to list here ) and the terrible beauty of nature in all it's fury. There is something that only reveals itself after some of the events of last year some good, people that were selfless and others that totally indifferent to any ones suffering. In 6 months I saw an amazing spectrum of events that seem to show that the world cares not for individuals so its in the power of the individual to make life changing differences for both good and bad and I'm certain that it will take a long time to take it all in to analyze it and begin to share my thoughts on it as it would seem that I could feel multiple hidden treads like barely heard music that seemed to color the events.

My health has not been great after the Tornado that hit Joplin, I did some search and rescue (help save 7 lost 1), and picked up something in the lungs that is quietly killing folks. Just wanted to pop in and say hi and will try to have more content soon but still getting over losing two good friends and a host of other things which has forced me re-think some things. well hope you are all doing well and after whats gone on I do mean that.

Wile I have been bouncing around in cyberspace I found myself in one of those places that I have found most interesting, that place Second Life. Well when I first was draw into that world I was full of the eye rolling why would I want to be here feelings and as time went on I found it bought up some really interesting questions as I met people there, for it does serve a social function. What is a real relationship now when dealing with actual humans its been said that most communications is in the non-verbal form so much so that it is said that as much as 80 percent is in the form so what is lost and how much can you recreate in a virtual world.

Part of my experience has been well puzzling it seems that after a time I began to get the feeling I was understanding more than just what was written, this has been a question I have tried to explore as I have met folks that use SL as I'll call it to meet up with loved ones while separated over long distances or due to disability are unable to get out and about much, and the able which come it all the favors and places on the planet.All to greater or lesser degrees seem to have a good understanding of the meaning of what is written and sometimes beyond the text.

I'll be exploring this more in later posts but thinking about how visual we are as a species it is interesting how adaptable we are in a world where truly nothing is as it seems and how we function in that world.Well enough rambling for tonight or in my case early morning.

It been A long time since I have written here and what compels me to arrange electrons here I think is part of the experiences I have had. I have always been happen with my mind natural (sure some side trips from time to time but nothing long term) so with shaky hands I write this. For medical reasons I have been taking a wide variety of things the medicos say I need to stay alive and trying to be the good child I have, that is until my wild reaction to to something they gave me to help me sleep allowed me to recover myself. Its like awakening after a very long fever, and I still weak wanted to put down some where some of what I have gone though.

For years now I have had to take pain medication and for years I would take a little holiday of a week or so to keep myself clear headed, a little pain seemed a small cost for thinking. Well when my heart went south as the saying goes what way one or two pills a day when to eight or nine and everyday no exceptions or so I was told. And having now died according to the medicos twice now I feared not following their word, well I'm not saying they lied but too much of anything is not good, so I have have had a crisis event and passed though to the other side to find the self I know waiting, asking how was the thumb twitting on Second Life like, the endless zombie-like wandering in the world of low blood flow and pressure like. And I must admit going from a little bulky 230 lbs to 140 a diet I recommend to know one I have learned some things.

Most of us know that duration is our sense of the fourth dimension and I have now it seem had a sense of what it must be like to find a fold in our space and pass into it. The mind that See's out of these eyes has new insights but is basically the same one that feel into the folded space 6 months ago, and this is the first time in months I can say I'm writing with a clear head, and a true understanding of what withdrawing means, 3 days with out anything and my BP is back to normal, heart rate steady, as to sleep we shall see and pain inside levels I can stand. But what a trip to spend that much time looking at your actions as both the actor and the observer, to to sense duration at multiple levels and at the same time toward the end feeling the energy build to take you out of this loop and to bring you home. Or the place I call home, will I miss it in some ways but I must say that I would rather have the insight and live here then to have never returned, so like all good adventures I have returned with something of value, stories to tell and more than enough to think about in the realm of consciousness, and the brain, body connection. Well till next we meet be well

In my wanderings I found a web site that contains some interesting information its called "The Holocene Impact Working Group" (sorry about the missing links their on the other computer and I have not transferred the data) in it there is a story from the New York Times dated November 14, 2006 which presents their argument for an impact in the Indian Ocean some 4,800 years ago, which produced a tsunami some 600 feet high, or 13 times bigger than the 2004 Indonesian tsunami.

Now common wisdom says that there have been no impacts in the last 10,000 years, the Impact Working Group states that astronomers have not known how or where to look for evidence of such impacts along the worlds shorelines and deep oceans. If they are right their evidence would change the current estimates that the earth suffers a violent impact on the order of 10 megatons once every 500,000 years to one million years to every few thousand years.

I'm still reading their material so more to follow but think about what an impact would mean to the peoples living at that time and what effect it would have on the myths and religious ideas of those people not to say anything about the physical environment. Well thats all for now.

And so it begins, after looking at the writing in the articles I found myself a bit taken aback, but press on I will. So lets have a look at the story of an impact at 13,000 years ago or so, now from personal experience I never really got beyond 11,000 or so YBP, and that was mostly burials, so the way I see this, is there are three lines of evidence; the geologic, the biologic, and the archaeological. So my first thought is first to look at the report, so its email time, second the biological so it's to the books and more emails, so will someone respond well thats to be seen, and the other thing is what do the reported sources say.

Its a bit like a UFO, or any other "out there" idea, my opinion on pre - 12,000 years in the Americas is kind of solid, but lets see what I can find out. I know that south America had published sites going back to 20,000 to 30,000 years (in text books of the the late 60's I own). Lets open a can of worms, if I can and see what happens.

It's been a while since I have been here and I wish I would have been more creative, but whats past is past so what to do. Well I'm going to try this writing thing again but to put a twist on it if I can, thats to research a story from the the headlines on the site and see where it leads. Now I'm sure you can guess my unhealthy obsession with archaeology will find its way into what I chase but thats just the way I am. Well I hope everyone had the best of Holidays and will pop in next Monday to start this writing adventure, 'till then cheers all.