Jokes Wanted
Posted by Carol_Noble at 10:11, 30 Sep 2008I have been very morbid and miserable of late in my posts, and I wondered if people would be prepared to cheer me up by telling me some (clean) jokes.
I admit I am terrible at remembering and telling jokes. I don't know why, but even one liners are lost within moments of hearting them!
A few nice cheering jokes would be welcome. Please give me something to laugh at for once!
Thanks in anticipation.
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Comments
10 August 2004
8 hours 2 min
Can't help you with the jokes, as I never remember them for 5 minutes either!
I don't think you have been morbid and miserable in your posts - in fact you have raised some interesting points. I think you are more likely to be feeling frustrated with the ordinary person's inability to fight the stupidity and restrictions of government control over almost everything in our lives today, as are many people, including me.
The world was once a happier, freer place, which those of us who are not of the younger generation can remember only too well. It makes us sad that those times are lost never to return, and sadder to find those of the younger generation think that how we live today is not only quite normal but quite acceptable, thus they see no reason to question it or institute a fight against it.
I think the biggest downside of today's world is that people have no 'hope' any more. Even during WW2 when bombs were falling around us nightly, shortages of everything were everywhere and people's lives totally disrupted, I can well remember that people had 'hope' - tomorrow would be better (even if it turned out that that was not so). Today all we know is that tomorrow will be tougher and harder than it is now, and depression and suicide is commonplace. That is indeed a sad indictment of 'progress'.
Unfortunately we can't change the world, only that little bit around us. Doing that can make a big difference, and if more people did it it would make a bigger difference.
Cheer up, Hinny, all is not lost yet - we're still here and still travelling.
Love, Kathrinn
12 April 2007
29 min 55 sec
I can't think of any joke at this moment.
But how about these two websites with pretty pictures that might make you laugh:
Dumm Comics
We the Robots
Cheer up, and look at the bright side: If things do get worse in the future, we won't be able to contemplate suicide, because poison & bullets will be too expensive! ;-)
Ok, too morbid for a joke... Sorry. It's too early in the morning.
-----
It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
22 November 2004
1 week 6 days
The mythical Radio Yerevan call-in show had some good jokes.
Caller question:
What is the "Russian business method"?
Answer:
The principle follows 3 steps:
1 - steal a case of vodka
2 - sell it on the black market
3 - spend the money on booze
Q:
Why do many women spend more effort on their appearance than on their intellectual development?
A:
Because stupid men outnumber blind men by a significant margin.
Q:
I heard that Vodka can be used as an oral contraceptive. Should it be used before, or after?
A:
Instead.
All these are from the Soviet era of course. But some are always relevant.
Q: What is meant by the term "chaos"?
A: We do not comment on national economic policy.
Of course Yerevan is a real place, and there are radio stations there.
----
It is not how fast you go
it is when you get there.
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
Thanks for your responses.
Kathrinn, I can certainly empathise with what you say, and thank you for reassuring me it isn't just my own view of life that is wrong! You are right in what you say, and I thank you, hinny.
RPJ, you didn't mean it to be a joke but I smiled at it anyway. Thanks for that. As for the images, yes, they can be quite interesting, can't they?
Earthling, thank you very much for the jokes, they did make me not only smile but laugh a little. Thanks a lot.
I feel a lot warmer knowing that people do respond in support. You are a great bunch at TDG!
Carol A Noble
10 August 2005
1 week 11 hours
Click here, are funny:
Goofy
Monty Python
Jaques Tati
An embrace!
Katya
12 April 2007
29 min 55 sec
Oh, yes! Goofy is the best! You should also look this new short: How to hook up your Home Theater (it's funny because it's true).
Although my father has always favored Donald, because he feels related to the duck's explosive character ;-)
-----
It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
10 August 2005
1 week 11 hours
I have seen now "How to hook up your Home Theatre", it is very funny, thanks!
Also I love Donal because is crazy, anxious, but also besieged from his nephews ;-)
Goofy and Donald together:
Hugs!
Katya
12 April 2007
29 min 55 sec
He, I love how they change the names of those characters in every country.
And I also think that short is actually the perfect allegory for the times we're living. Right now we all feel we're lost in this small boat in a shark-infested sea; maybe we should try to be less like Donald, & more like Goofy :-)
-----
It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Red Pill,
He's the President of a country that shall not be named here! Goofy is just his economic advisor!:)
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think!!!}
12 April 2007
29 min 55 sec
And Big Bad Pete is his vice president, then ;-)
-----
It's not the depth of the rabbit hole that bugs me...
It's all the rabbit SH*T you stumble over on your way down!!!
Red Pill Junkie
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Red Pill,
His Vice President and Co-Conspiritor!:)
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think!!!}
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Red Pill,
Goofy followed Donald as the President of a country that shall not be named here! Like Donald, Goofy works for globalists that manage the foreign policy, Corporations that manage the economy, and the Rothschild agent Ben Printer Bernake who controls the money supply! Michael Jackson must have been a profit; because, one of his hit songs was about Ben!:)
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Critically Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think Critically!!!}
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Carol,
A: He had nobody to dance with!
Q: When is whiskey like an economic disaster?
A: When it's on the rocks.
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think!!!}
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
I have had some real chuckles. Thanks to all.
Carol A Noble
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Carol,
Q: What do you call a $700,000,000,000 economic recovery (bailout) package?
A: Optomistic!:)
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think!!!}
3 June 2008
8 weeks 5 days
CNNEK
I have just laughed out loud and my boss has given me such a look!
You seem to be very good at jokes. Are you a professional comedian? If not you should be.
Thanks a lot.
Carol A Noble
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Carol,
...Hold your virtually worthless inflated currency?
A: Give them all of your top secret military technology!
Q: If President Obama is stupid enough to attack Pakistan, what will they call Japan?
A: A relatively nuclear free zone!
Q: If President Obama is stupid enough to attack Pakistan in June, what will disappear?
A: Boston, New York City, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., Baltimore, Atlanta, Miami, Houston, Dallas,
Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Brussels, Montreal, etc.!
Q: If Israel is stupid enough to attack Iran and/or Syria, with its big Russian Naval Base, What will
Israel be called?
A: Greater Palestine!
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Critically Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think Critically!!!}
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Carol,
...Hold your virtually worthless inflated currency?
A: Give them all of your top secret military technology!
Q: If President Obama is stupid enough to attack Pakistan, what will they call Japan?
A: A relatively nuclear free zone!
Q: If President Obama is stupid enough to attack Pakistan in June, what will disappear?
A: Boston, New York City, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., Baltimore, Atlanta, Miami, Houston, Dallas, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Chicago, London, Paris, Amsterdam, Brussels, Montreal, etc.!
Q: If Israel is stupid enough to attack Iran and/or Syria, with its big Russian Naval Base, What will Israel be called?
A: Greater Palestine!
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Critically Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think Critically!!!}
14 April 2009
4 hours 37 min
How many jihadists does it take to change a light bulb?
They never have enough time -- they're in paradise with their 32 raisins or hiding behind their henchmen.
How many pop environmentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
CHANGE THE BULB BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulbs are rape.
How many UFOnauts does it take to change a light bulb?
YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!!! OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!!! UNBELIEVER!!!
How many Daily Grailers does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, interesting that you say that, according to this model...(followed by everyone enjoying all the different possibilities, including the different ways that light bulbs exist)
How many ethnic Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
Hey man, they INVENTED them.
How many ethnic Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, first you have to get them out of the many concentration camps in the ME in the various countries...
How many Japanese does it take to change a light bulb?
They've improved on the concept -- it runs on thought and even cooks your ramen for you.
How many Canadians does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they get their government to do it for them?
How many Newfies does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to hold it, the rest of the province then turns the world around it.
How many GLBTers does it take to change a light bulb?
It has to change of its own accord to reach its true inner self.
How many furries does it take to change a light bulb?
A scritch of furries. Not to be confused with a murr of furries.
How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
They don't need light bulbs, they innovate all the time and, by the time you've stopped reading this, have come up with 3,000 different kinds. Oh, and no matter who you talk to, they ALWAYS tuck to the right.
How many George Galloway's does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends on if he is allowed in the country or not.
How many Scots does it take to change a light bulb?
What you talking aboot! Scotch is the only thing you need...that and great tracts of land.
How many 'conservatives' does it take to change a light bulb?
1 has worked before.
How many PETA folk does it take to change a light bulb?
LIGHT BULBS ARE MURDER!
That should be enough, for now :3
---------
All that lives is holy, life delights in life.
--William Blake
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Carol,
A: A monitary union between a few strong economies and many weak economies!
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Critically Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think Critically!!!}
28 June 2006
1 day 11 hours
Carol,
A: Greedy Central Bankers, a Fiat Currency, Fractional Reserve Banking, Digital Money Creation, Very Low Interest Rates To Banks and Big Businesses, Higher Interest Rates To People and Small and Medium Sized Businesses, and Banker Bailouts!
What do you think?
cnnek
{You Can Teach People How To Think Critically Or What To Think; But, You Can't Do Both! It Is Better To Teach People How To Think Critically!!!}